found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
