Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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