It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
