wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
