Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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