At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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