Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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