I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
