apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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