I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
