So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
