Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
