margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
