dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
