Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
