A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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