When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
