I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want to make out with him forever
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
