yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
