she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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