I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I puked a lego.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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