She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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