Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
