I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
