who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
