he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
