this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
