I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He better not be in your backpack
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
