I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
