I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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