does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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