Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
