Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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