are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
