I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
