I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
