No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The Olympian is in my bed
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
