I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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