at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
