when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
