distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
