My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
