You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
