We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My breath smells like gin and sadness
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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