It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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