i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
