I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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