For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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