if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
