You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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