She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
