just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
